...of Learning Self-Discipline

Talk It Out:
Taming Your Tongue


"All too often I find myself flying off the handle at my husband or kids and then later regretting what I’ve said. I’d like to hear how other readers have learned to control their tongues. I want to learn to think before I speak. Can your readers help me by offering tips and strategies for engaging my brain before I engage my mouth?" ~ Bonnie


Responses:

"I try to use a technique that I learned in a Psych class.  Rather than using, "You do this and you do that" statements, I try to say:
'When (insert problem here) takes place, I FEEL _________________'

'When the dishes are not done, I FEEL ____________________'

 'When _________________ is said to me, I FEEL'

 I also have learned to repeat statements back to family members:

'When you said, "XXXXXXXXXXX", I perceived it to mean "XXXXXXXXXX."  Is this correct?'

 This seems to take the attack out of my statements." ~ Annie

"I have found myself many times in the same situation.  I've found that if I will just get up and leave the area, whether it's to go outside for a walk or to leave the table and go to another room, it gives me time to 'cool off' before I say something I'll regret.  One time my husband and I were talking and he said something to me and I left. He asked me where I was going and I told him that I'm leaving the area before I said something that I can't take back. All he said was 'Oh!'  That seems to stop the argument or comments from getting out of hand.  I'm trying to get our 3 kids to do the same but they haven't got it figured out yet.  That's one area where I still have to work because I find myself arguing with them for no reason. Thanks for allowing me to tell you what I do." ~ Nancy

"Tools I have used for taming the tongue.
* Pray for self-control.  
* Always use 'I' statements. State your feelings as 'I believe,' 'I think,' 'I want,' etc., not in 'you' statements such as 'You said,' 'You are mean,' 'You should,' etc., which assess blame on the receiver, making him or her defensive and then leading to arguing and hurt feelings.  
Learn about Kaplan's drama triangle of personal relationships and get your family off the pattern of reacting to each other as either victim, persecutor or rescuer. Whenever you begin to feel that tongue is about to be out-of-control, 'HALT,' check to see if you or those you are dealing with are either 'Hungry,' 'Angry,' 'Lonely,' or 'Tired.'  If any of those are so, deal with that situation and then perhaps everyone will be calmer.  
* Lastly, for women, a daily dose of B6 helps a lot to regulate moods and honestly, as you get older, get a full check-up on your hormones as hormonal imbalances can wreck havoc in you and when you lose your cool, on those you love.  
* Also, when you need a break, take it, the world won't end if you aren't Supermom but life will be so much better with a refreshed mom who can control her tongue!" ~ Sherrie

 

Editor's Note: Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond.

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