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Talk It Out:
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"My feeling is
first of all that he should not be taking them out on the town every
time they are with him. While it is fun to eat out, go to a movie,
etc., it isn't something that should be done every time they are
together. I would suggest finding a game that they all like and
playing that, shooting baskets, putting puzzles together, going to
church, rented movies with popcorn (of course), making dinner or
breakfast together, baking. Not every minute should be
structured. Take time to just sit around and talk. Maybe take
some of the above activities and make it into a thing that they do
every time they are together. (Example: Saturday night could be
movie night with homemade pizza.) That gives the children something
to look forward to and to know what will be happening that weekend."
~ Sandy "As
a non-custodial parent, you are at a disadvantage and yet an
advantage. Although you don’t get to see your kids as often as you
would if they were living with you, you also get to use your time
for fun! You don’t have to pressure them to get ready for
school, do their homework, do their chores, and any other activity
they may not enjoy. So when you are with them, just enjoy the time! "As
the custodial parent of a 10-year-old daughter and 15-year-old son,
I’d like to offer suggestions for this non-custodial dad, from
which I know my children benefited over the nearly 5 years their
father and I have been divorced. For the first 2 years the four of
us lived in the same city. Three years ago the children and I moved
250 miles away. Their dad sees them every 1st and 3rd
weekend. The children’s schedules have always been the priority,
so their dad always comes to where they are. My kids are very
involved in sports, so their dad takes them to their games/practices
during his weekends, as well as any scheduled school or church
activities. He allows them to spend the night out if they’ve been
asked. He encourages them to ask friends to play. They go to several
events, like fairs, art festivals, charity runs, etc. (Check the
newspaper for activities). "As the daughter of divorced parents, I wanted to comment on what were the most meaningful times spent with my non-custodial parent when I was growing up. When I would go over to Dad's house, I remember enjoying just having a meal together like 'normal' families and then playing a simple board game afterward. Sometimes he would ask me to help prepare the food, which I normally did not do at home, and that provided another opportunity to spend time together just by doing something ordinary. I also enjoyed times when Dad would have his friends over during meal times as this kept me from being the center of attention (which I didn't want to be). I would get a peek into his world by meeting his business associates or friends and feel like he was not embarrassed to introduce me as his daughter." ~ Dorothy "While the temptation to spend all the time together having fun may be enormous , try to resist it. Some of the time should be spent in quietly talking together. Eating at a quiet cafe and asking important questions such as 'What was the happiest thing that happened to you this week?' or 'Has there been anything that happened at school that annoyed you?' Kids need to develop rapport with the non-custodial parent, and trust that he/she can tell that parent anything, and the parent will be understanding, accepting and non-judgmental. My daughter is the non-custodial parent of three kids, and too much of the time with them is spent in negative, time-wasting things. The effect has been to make them, as they grow into their teens, NOT want to come be with her on her weekends. Also spend some of the time together learning a new skill--like how to fly a kite, how to do minor upkeep on the car, etc. This is what kids will enjoy and remember later on." ~ Ann "I
am the mother of 5 boys and we do a
lot of scouting.
We’ve found that the boys blossom and open up when
they are out in the elements – fishing, hiking, cycling,
etc. Studies are even
starting to show that one of the reasons that we are seeing
more cases of ADD/ADHD is because kids, especially boys, are
not getting as much outside time that they naturally need to
develop and thrive. I
would suggest that if the dad needs ideas/support group he
get in touch with the local troop and cub scout group and
find out what activities they have going that they can join
in on. Or at
the very least, they are usually a great source for places
to go and things to do that boys
of all ages enjoy.
Editor's Note: Thanks to these subscribers for taking the time to respond. |
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