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Talk It Out:
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"Martie, you should read
the Book of Proverbs in the Old
Testament any time the naysayers'
comments get under your skin. It
has a lot of wisdom in it --
especially about the importance
of being wise and not being
foolish and/or lazy. There might
even be a verse or two in
there you could memorize and
quote to someone should
circumstances warrant.
Or, you can remain silent
and just walk away from the
verbal assault. A good answer is
sometimes silent.
Realize that you don't
know these fellow
believers' whole financial
story. For all we know, they
could be on the verge of
bankruptcy. Perhaps their
comments stem from jealousy (i.e.,
they envy your discipline and
common sense), or perhaps it's
because they are uncomfortable
and feel a lot of guilt about
their debt-ridden lifestyle. You
are not obligated to defend your
lifestyle of simplicity to
people who may not realize it is
a gift of the Spirit.
Time is often life's great teacher,
and it can humble some of the
most vocal critics in the
church and community. I know
that when I was growing up,
people made snide remarks about
the fact my mother worked
outside the home. The very ones
with the rudest comments later had
to borrow money for their kids
to attend college. Meanwhile, I
went to a four-year university
-- debt-free, thanks to my
mother, who worked and saved
and sacrificed for me.
Likewise, it's possible that
some years down the road, the
people who are most critical
of you will meet with their 'comeuppence'
-- not from you, Martie, but by
financial circumstances
they are creating for themselves
right now.
You are not obligated to defend
yourselves to such people!
Again, a good answer is
sometimes silent.
It's also important to be a humble
and gracious Christian. We
should try not to take a 'holier-than-thou'
stance to anyone who lives in a
bigger home or drives a newer
car lest he or she thinks
we are the ones who are jealous.
Remember, Jesus loved rich
and poor alike, and He was a
great teacher of Prosperity as
well as Salvation." ~ Lynn
"I’m employed by a dentist, and all the other employees usually order out for lunch and spend money much more freely than I do. At my previous office, I felt that I was looked down on for this, and my feelings were a little bit hurt when they stopped even asking me to go out to eat with them. I am working fewer hours at my new office, so until December will be making a somewhat less than I was at my old job. My co-workers know that, and also that right now my goal is to get all my bills paid off. I still order out occasionally, but when I don’t, they know why, and it does not seem to be an issue. I am comfortable with my choices, and that may be the difference. I let everyone know what my priorities are, and I don’t feel that I need to belabor the point or continue to explain why I don’t spend money. I
also think it is great when
someone else has the finances and
chooses to purchase something
wonderful for themselves. There
are certain things I do for
myself, too, such a visiting our
kids and our granddaughter. That
is one expense I will never cut!"
~ Brenda
"Everyone
has their own priorities in life. I
think it is commendable that you have
made others your priority rather than
yourself. That’s not to say you are
denying yourself; you’re just not
investing in things that you don’t
really need. There will always be
those less fortunate who need some
help – people with disabilities or
health issues, those who were born
into a difficult life and need an
extra boost to make it, or those who
just made some bad decisions and need
a little assistance to get back on
their feet. Contributing to reputable
organizations doesn’t mean you are
helping to keep people unemployed.
You’re choosing not to live
excessively so that others also have a
chance to thrive.
"At the age of 25, I quit my
teaching job to become a stay-at-home wife. Eight years later, I'm
still at home, and we have no children. This is like some sort of
social taboo because people just assume that if I have no
children, I should be in the workforce.
I simply tell people that this is what
works for us. My being at home allows us to live a fairly
stress-free life. No, we can't afford all the things we would be
able to if I were bringing in a second income, but on the flip
side, our house is in order, our meals are home-cooked, and we are
both able to relax in the evenings rather than doing chores that
weren't done because we were at the office all day.
As for those who want to know what's
wrong with luxurious living--there's not a thing wrong with it, as
long as you can afford it. But eschewing that lifestyle
myself doesn't mean I'm passing judgment on those who live that
way. We all have choices to make in life, and mine happens to be
the choice that works best for us. Also, what
people don't seem to realize is that by living frugally, it helps
free up what money we do have to give to others. Our charitable
giving isn't as much as what we gave from two incomes, but it's
still pretty substantial, and according to many polls, we're
giving more than the general public. I don't say that to toot my
own horn, but just to offer perspective. Frugal living doesn't
have to mean stingy living.
As an aside, I can't even begin to
tell you how many of my husband's co-workers have looked at him
enviously and said they wished their wives stayed home." ~
Anne Marie
"This is an interesting question. I am very frugal and just about everything I own is secondhand. If other people were as careful I would not be able to buy their stuff from garage sales and thrift shops. So in a way I feel dependent on the wasteful people." ~ Julia in UK "I found real freedom when I realized I can’t 'fix' other people, especially when it comes to money. As for the folks who want to say our economy would collapse if we didn’t all go out and buy something, I seriously doubt we’ll ever see that happen. For every one person who likes to live within their means, there are hundreds who honestly believe that maxed-out credit cards are some sort of constitutional right. As for the folks who justify their spending by saying they earn it, good for them – but I can’t afford to live like that. I have a friend who readily admits that she leases automobiles so she can drive newer, nicer vehicles more cheaply than buying them on installments. While I think she’s crazy, she thinks I’m crazy for opting to pay cash for an older vehicle rather than have any payments. Be true to yourself. If you are making people prickly, it’s probably because they secretly wish they had more discipline and self-control." ~ Cindy
"Well, honestly I really do
not discuss my finances with people so I never have to defend
them. But at times I will share a few 'secrets' on how to
live more simply and I do it without showing any embarrassment
at all! I think people are amazed that someone as 'modern'
and educated would choose to make choices so different from the
mainstream. I do like to casually mention some interesting
websites, such as Counting the Cost which I hope my friends
might decide to review. But everything in life comes down
to choices. If someone mentions to me that I am too frugal etc.,
I just smile and say that I am happy with my daily decisions. I
will admit that in the workplace it is difficult to share frugal
tips because people are so judgmental and assume that you might
be a little 'weird.' That can actually hinder your
progress or position within a working situation. I refrain from
talking about my personal financial life completely. That is too
bad because I think more of us who are accepting frugality as a
lifestyle are in great positions to help those who are
struggling. It is almost like we are in a secret society of
people who 'get the big picture.' If I really get to know
someone very well I will opt to share some ideas.
Sometimes you feel that it is not politically correct to discuss
how you really feel about our economy. That is the most alarming
problem as I see it between those of us who are living simply
and the vast majority of people who are gambling with their
financial future. My husband and I very recently relocated to
another state, retired and are living a wonderful life having
paid cash for our home. Many of our friends/colleagues are
simply stunned that we could do this before 60 years old!
They have no concept that this is a possibility....and certainly
not for them even in the near future. That is too bad." ~
Janice
"To the question at hand, when people approach you with this question tell them there is nothing wrong with that as long as they are doing it with respect to themselves, others, the community and environment. The path you chose is different. It blows me away as to how many 'stones' we all are guilty of casting. The other quicker question that you may ask (I have asked this one...a lot) with a kind tone is, 'Why do you care or/ mind?' You have to ask this very direct question with sincerity and non-flippantly or all is lost. So much of the time in this economy the question of, 'What's so bad' is asked out of curiosity and oftentimes fear because the person asking is in a spot. I live in the thick of this. We live where we live because the schools are great, and it's safe. We live somewhat differently from a majority of our neighbors and friends. We don't appear any different--but we sleep much more soundly than most around us because we won't surrender to putting ourselves in a perilous position for the sake of instant gratification. Sorry I'm so long-winded! Hope this helps. Have a great day." ~ Mollie
Editor's Note: Thanks to these subscribers for taking the time to respond. |
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