|
|
Talk It Out:
|
|
"Frank and Lillian Gilbreth (as you may all remember) were 'efficiency experts' in the early 1900s. They had 12 children and 2 paid helpers. Mr. and Mrs. Gilbreth were both engineers and were brilliant at their jobs. I came across one of Lillian's books about home management a few years back. She had pages and pages of great ideas and advice. When the question about children's clutter was put to her, she made a very astute observation. She said something like: 'Children's toys are the only things that we as adults excitedly give to our children and then fuss and complain about when the children pull them out to play with them.' That being said, I understand what you mean. I have half a dozen children myself, and they can accumulate mountains of 'stuff'. Having them go through their stuff with you once in a while to choose what they want to get rid of is a good exercise for them. They need to learn that in life, you have to learn to let things go. I don't always guess right about the things they are willing to part with. I have and occasionally do go through their stuff without them and bag up what I don't think they play with. Oftentimes it isn't missed. If they see the bag and want to see what is in it, I won't let them look. I make an executive Mommy decision about the matter. I have learned that as the children get older they are usually more willing to part with things and girls seem to be a little better about wanting to clear things out than boys are. Little boys, especially, seem to hold onto anything that may even remotely resemble something that can be played with. Also, children with vivid imaginations seem to have a harder time of letting go of things. Your children will one day grow up and you won't have all of that clutter around you. You will be deafened by the silence and heartbroken about the cleanliness of your home. Try to look at this as a season that will pass all too quickly as you step over those papers and toys." ~ Rhonda "I had this
same problem. Simply stop bringing the clutter in. In years past
I would buy my kids things -- I would just to do it. I am much
more aware of what comes into my house now. Also asking grandparents
to give less is helpful. Savings bonds are wonderful and so are
gift cards for their favorite places to eat. One Christmas I
asked my mother-in-law to get the kids their favorite snacks like
Slim-jims and gumballs in bulk. The kids got a kick out of that
and the items were perishable Each of my children has a
large round bucket that they keep their toys in. They each have
their own book shelf in their room. This holds all their books
and their sports trophies. As children get older, the clutter
wont be as bad. No more Barbies, cars and marbles. This, on the
other hand, means they are growing up so just sit on the floor
and play with all that 'clutter' because before long, they will
be out on their own." ~ Tonya "Sometimes
it helps to have the children work with you in
de-cluttering. Ask them to choose some toys that they
no longer use so they can donate them to children who
don't have toys to play with. Then, together, take the
toys to a place like Habitat for Humanity (explaining
that this will also help to build homes for kids whose
parents can't afford a home), or some other charity of your
choosing." ~ Doreen "I had to answer the question about kids' clutter! I've raised three children, my youngest is now a teen, and I've been a daycare provider for over years, so I know about clutter! When my own kids were young, I used a technique we called the 'room gremlins'. My children were taught to pick up after themselves before bedtime, or else the room gremlins (mom or dad) would eventually do it for them, exacting a price from them of some of their toys. They eventually figured out that mom and dad were the gremlins, and that the gremlins only took things that the kids didn't really want, or broken toys, or toys missing pieces, etc. But by that time, they were trained to clean up after themselves. Children under the age of about 7 need very clear directions to clean up after themselves. You can't just say, 'Clean your room!' and expect it to be done the right way. You have to take them by the hand, and start with the youngest ones by saying something like, 'Do you see that blue Lego? Pick it up and put it in the Lego box.' When they get a little older, you tell them to pick up all the Legos and put them in the box, then pick up all the Monopoly pieces, etc. By the time they're about 7 or 8, they'll know how to clean a room to Mom's standards. My last piece of advice is to get rid of some things. I found that my own kids and my daycare kids are happiest with just the basics-blocks, Legos, puzzles, crayons, paper, and a few board games. We switch out our toys, as well. Right now the matchbox cars are in storage. In a couple of months, they'll come back out and they'll be like new to the kids, while the pretend food set won't be missed. And last, if you find it daunting to pick up the mess, imagine what a young child must feel like when they see it! Good luck and remember: I've never seen an 80 year old with toys still strewn on the floor of her house. This too shall pass!" ~ Val in IL "I offer my kids cash for the toys they are willing to donate to charity. If we were having a garage sale, they'd make a dollar or two for each toy, so that is what they get from me to help get rid of clutter. And before they can bring another stuffed animal into the house, they have to get rid of 2." ~ Kathy Z "To
the mom overrun with her children's toys: I found 'The Clutter
Cure : Three Steps to Letting Go of Stuff, Organizing Your
Space, and Creating the Home of Your Dreams' by Judi
Culbertson to be the best decluttering book ever because
she addresses why we hang on to things. The
only misinformation in the book is her advice to donate
old books to the local library. We don't want them
(especially what we in the reference staff call
"moldy oldies"). Other places will take them.
Otherwise the book is brilliant. It has helped me go
through my house and really let go of stuff." ~
Alene "I
don't have kids, but I have been involved with an awesome
website called 'Flylady.net'. It is a different way
of looking at how we keep our homes and lives clutter free
(along with a huge dose of humour and some tough
love). Piggy backing onto this site is another site
called 'Housefairy.org', which helps kids learn how to
keep their rooms tidy.. (The Housefairy is Santa's little
sister, so she has magical powers as well... lol) I
believe the subscription is $13.00 for two years, but that
covers the letters, encouragement, pixie dust etc... From
the testimonials that I have read from the Flylady, it has
done wonders. Flylady also has challenges for the kids of
Flybabies (that is what we call ourselves), called the
Riley Challenge. It is not supposed to take longer than 15
minutes. "A
great resource for learning to be in control of your
stuff rather than having your stuff control you is 'It's
All Too Much" by Peter Walsh." ~ Sherrie "I used to feel guilty about all the toys I'd 'take' from my children. Looking back, I realized they didn't take care of them or play with them because they were overwhelmed by what they had and had no clue how to take care of them. We have donated the majority of their unused toys to daycare and to the battered women's shelter. When we took the toys to the daycare, I had my children give the teachers the bags and they got to listen to the squeals of joy and kids laughing. This made them glad they had given the toys they didn't absolutely love and then were willing to give more. Do NOT feel guilty about how much money is in the bags, or feel that because someone gave the toy to your child you have to hold on to it. Just because Grandma gave my son a stuffed dog didn't mean he wanted it, loved playing with it and had to have it. If you take the toys away for trash, do not give them back. You completely lose your credibility. Ask me how I know.....been there, done that. Trash cans are there to be rummaged through - give them away and you can't get it back - but don't do it as a punishment ('You aren't picking up your toys, so I'm giving them away'). Do it like this: 'You really have been blessed with lots of things. There are so many children that don't have toys to play with like you. Let's pick out 5 things you want to give to ___.' Hope this helps. It's a long process. The key is to NOT do it in anger. Toys can be replaced - words can't be taken back." ~ Karen "We
came up with three de-cluttering ideas that have
seemed to help. (1) We use a three-ring notebook (one
for each child) per school year. We take pictures of
art projects too big to fit in the folders and add
school/family related papers, pictures, mementos that
highlight that particular year. (2) Whenever our
children buy a toy or get them for their birthday,
they have to decide which toys are given away. If they
received six new toys, then six old toys
have to be given to a local charity. (3) For birthday
party goodies bags, we've had treasure hunts and hid
stuffed animals and other toys that were in good
shape, but no longer played with anymore. One year we
visited local nursing homes and gave the residents stuffed
animals. It was very rewarding and our children and
the residents enjoyed it!" ~ Kim in IA "I have three girls all born within three years and when they were all little we lived in a very small house that had no closets and no kitchen cupboards. To say that we had no storage space is an understatement. All three girls shared one little room. Of course, my girls are 'very well loved' and we were often overflowing in 'love.' Well, one day I just had it! I was tired of tripping over the toys and dolls and books that I told them to pick out one favorite toy and we were boxing up all of the rest. They were very obedient and we filled up five boxes! What was I going to do with all of these toys? We, as a family, brought all of the boxes to our local Women's Shelter and my girls were able to hand over their toys to children who didn't have any. It helped them to see the children who were satisfied to have something special to play with rather than an abundance to play with. Ever since then, whatever they outgrew or were not interested in playing with, they have the heart now to share their items with others. I am so proud of their generous hearts!" ~ Becky "My
children are grown, but when they were younger and
swamped with too many toys and things, we would sit
down with a group of items and figure out the last
time we enjoyed them. If it had been a long time, we
would ask ourselves who would enjoy them more.
Usually, it would be someone who shops at Goodwill,
but occasionally they would think of a friend who
would like the item. The child doesn’t feel like
they are giving up something as much as making a
decision as to the disposition of something important
to them. It takes time and must be repeated regularly,
but the child learns how to be philanthropic at the
same time as controlling clutter. Editor's Note: Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond. |