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Talk It Out:
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"Alice
– I have a very similar
situation. The best advice
you can get: Continue to be
gracious and thankful. Have
the kids write personal
thank you notes. Let
the givers know how much the
gift was appreciated and
loved!
There is no rule that says we have to give back as much or more than we receive. This family obviously cares for you and your family and just because they are in a financial bracket that allows them to be bigger ‘givers’ you shouldn’t have a competition. Don’t feel guilty. That is not what GIFTS are meant to do and shouldn’t be used in that way. If they are 'down to earth,' they also appreciate the gifts back. To
assuage your feelings of
awkwardness or inadequacy,
is there something your
family can offer the child
(non-monetarily) that would
be just as special? Camping,
family day out picnic, kite
building & then
flying, art day, funky
dress up day walking around
the mall with photos (think
Halloween in June), library
day, skating, fishing, whatever
– you can always plant the
memories that children will
remember long after the gift
is gone. Take lots of
photos and create scrapbook
pages just for the kids. The
adage, 'It’s the thought
that counts,' is the
truth. Relax and
enjoy each and every
blessing." ~ Denise in
Tennessee
"I
think you should just talk
lovingly, openly and
honestly with your friends
about this issue. We too
have very close friends who
have an income way
above ours, and enjoy the
finer things in life. They
asked us to go on holiday
with them, and we refused,
saying that whilst we really
appreciated their offer, we
couldn't possibly afford the
holiday that they were
suggesting, and would only
feel comfortable if we could
pay our way. They fully
understood this, respected
our decision, and made a
strong statement that they
really valued our friendship,
not our financial status.
Since then they have also
been more sensitive on the
gift-giving front. I have
another acquaintance who is
vastly wealthy, far beyond
the means of most of us, and
she has confided in how
lonely she is at home with
three small children because
'ordinary' people feel so
uncomfortable around
her, although she does not
flaunt her money. It really
gave me food for thought
about what we value in
people and friendships. I'm sure
your friends, if they are
friends worth having, love
you for who you are, not
what you have, and would
be horrified if they thought
their generosity was making
you feel uncomfortable. Talk
it over with them before it
becomes a big issue; that's
my advice." ~ Dessie
"We've
encountered this, also. One
way that has helped us is to
mention ahead of time, 'We have a
little something to give to your
son for Christmas,' prior to
getting together when you know
gifts will be exchanged. It
conveys to them ahead of time that
while we want to give their child
something to show our love, it's
not a huge gift. We did this
for this past Christmas and it
worked very well. Their gifts to
our children were much less costly
than in the past and we were much
more comfortable with the
exchange. ~ Jen
"In my opinion, there
is no problem here. You give what you can and you give
from your heart as do your friends. Doubtless they
understand that you are in a different situation than they
are, but they still give gifts according to what they want
to give you and not according to what they will receive in
return. Part of the gift giving process is learning how to
receive graciously. Making them feel like they are giving
too much or that you are uncomfortable with their
heartfelt gift giving is not receiving graciously. It can
be difficult to accept that others have means beyond our
own. But gift giving is about the giver as much as the
receiver. Take joy in the blessings that your hearts are
able to bestow on each other and on each others'
children and try not to worry about the price tag of those
blessings." ~ Stephanie
"What a prime example of a time when it may be beneficial to just allow yourself to be filled with gratitude. Avoid focusing on 'fair and balanced' and just be grateful for your friends. Don't allow pride to overrule you. Friendship is not about keeping score. Do not deprive them of the blessing of being generous givers. Receive with a grateful heart. And look for opportunities to give generously (whatever that looks like for your family) to others." ~ Sarah "Suggest to them
that they give the difference in cost to a charitable
organization that helps children, such as www.smiletrain.org
." ~ LMB "Oh,
this is SO relavant to my life right now! My husband's
sister and brother-in-law live in a million dollar home,
drive expensive cars, and wear name-brand clothes. They
have 3 kids, 19, 16, and 13. Every year we do Christmas
boxes (think Operation Christmas Child) for all the kids
in the family. Now, the boxes aren't exactly filled with
discounted items - a good estimated value per box is
$100-$200 each. My husband and I had a long conversation
after the holidays about the boxes. Apparently his sister
called and said her kids don't like the gifts we send and
we shouldn't waste our money anymore. My heart was broken,
because Christmas for me is all about giving, not
receiving. So, Alice, what do you say? 'Thank you for your
thoughtfulness,' because gifts shouldn't be appraised.
They should be enjoyed without strings. Don't do your
friends a disservice; they clearly love you and want to
just see that big smile when you receive their gift. And,
if they're that rare person that is just trying to one-up
you, you're still the beneficiary, right?" ~ Emily in
Ohio "We have bowed out of giving gifts to anyone our age for Christmas. We only give to the nieces and nephews on my husband's side of the family. We give a small gift to my parents. We are all about just getting together to have fun; it's not about the gifts. But for my husband's sister and sister-in-law, that's a different story. They are a little extravagant with the gifts. It's a little awkward at times, but we give what we can afford. I can't compete with people who are all about the money.
We are really broke
right now. I used to be willing to spend about $10 for a
child's birthday present if one of my kids was invited
to a party. Now I look for gifts when they are on
clearance and put stuff away in my closet, things on
sale for $5 or less. Then when they are invited to a
birthday party, they can pick out something in my
closet, or I give them $5 toward a gift if they want to
purchase something. I was proud of my daughter for the
great gift she got her friend at Michael's the other
day. I gave her $5 budget, she came in at 4.93 and felt
good about what she picked out. There is a difference
between being cheap and being frugal." ~ Diana
"We are similarly blessed in our life with friends who have a greater source of income than we. We try to give from our hearts when we give and we don't go beyond what our income level allows...but probably the greatest learning experience involved in our friendship with this family has been how to accept the blessing of their gifts with a heartfelt thank you and without comparisons. This is something God has dealt with me about this past year. My friends are wonderful people and let us know daily how much we mean to them...They are a blessing God put in my life and their gifts are blessings as well." ~ Terri aka PennyAnnPoundwise
"I too have been
in Alice's position, with a millionaire friend who was
generous. I'm sure her friends are well aware of
Alice's situation and are giving according to their
means, and as they give to their other friends. Alice
is doing the same thing, giving according to her
means. What is to feel awkward about? Only the fact
that she is measuring the price of the gift,
which if she were on the other side of the exchange,
surely she would be ashamed to do. We all give
according to our means. If people measure the worth of
the gifts I give, I reconsider whether that person
should be in my life." ~ Ellen
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