...of Family Togetherness

Talk It Out:
Family Time the Whole Family Will Enjoy


"My boys vary in age: 10, 3 and 1. I've tried ‘family game night’ and it usually turns into disaster. The oldest is bored with little kid games that the 3-year-old enjoys. The 3-year-old won't sit still for a game that's over his head. And the one-year-old just wants to eat the pieces. ‘Movie night’ presents the same problem. My husband and I usually split up with the kids and do separate things, but this kind of negates the purpose of ‘family night.’ Does anyone have any ideas for family fun for all on the cheap? Thanks." ~ Colleen


Responses:

"When our children were small, we had the same problem because they are 6 years apart. Here's how we solved it. When we rented movies, we always made sure that everyone rented one they would enjoy. Then, early in the evening, while eating dinner (homemade pizza, in our case), we watched the youngest child's movie and ate our dinner in front of the TV. This was a huge treat for our children. We settled them down on the floor in their sleeping bags, and they watched while they ate dinner. Afterwards, all the lights were turned off and we watched the next oldest child's movie. The youngest fell asleep during this one. When that one was done, we took a quick break for bathrooms, or to pop popcorn for the oldest among us. By that time the young ones were out cold, and mom and dad could watch their movies, with the knowledge that the kids were all safe and sound around us!" ~ Valerie

"One no-cost family activity that my grown children still talk about is the acting out of a favorite story, such as 'The Three Little Pigs.'  Props were sometimes used. There was always a part for each person (even if it was just a lamp that was 'turned on' by another actor), and it allowed for great creativity, organizing skills, memory testing, and loads of laughter.  Because it was active, both physical and mental, no one ever got bored. In fact, it was difficult to get the kids to cease and desist!  Many times my husband would throw a new kink in the story, and the kids learned to deal with it!" ~ Maretta

"We have the same problem, varied ages of children. My oldest is 20, then the next is 11, then 5, and the youngest is three. We watch old Roy Rogers movies. They are timeless, have good values and you never have to worry that something will be unsuitable for a small child. The good guy always wins and there is no gore." ~ MaryAnn

"We have eight children that range in age from 1 to 16 and I think the biggest thing that makes our family game or movie night or whatever activity we pick actually work is the fact that we have never expected everyone to be catered to but everyone to participate happily.  We try to vary every activity so that the younger ones don't get left out and the older ones aren't bored every time. But the key is that you don't always get what you want but if you have a good attitude about it, you can still have fun and your turn will come. We try to make birthdays a family affair so that the others look forward to birthdays that aren't theirs too. Ice cream is always a treat even if you didn't get to pick the flavor, same with eating out." ~ Kathy

"I know that outdoor days are enjoyed by most -- especially my grandchildren. Picnics, nature hikes, fishing…would you believe even looking for snakes and crabs and shells on the beach?  Frisbee playing and soccer and footballs, kite flying..." ~ Mae

"This is probably not the answer you want to hear, but 'Family Night' activities are just going to be a challenge for a few years, at least until the little boys get older.  If you think about it, a seven year age span is 3/4 of the ten-year old's life, and more than twice the entire time the three year old has lived!  And, just about the time you think they can all finally start playing together, the now 10-year old will be anxious to be out with sports and other teenager-type interests!  However, I have seen several families that have made a large age difference work for them, but you will need to change your expectations.

My children do not have that much of an age difference, but they do have widely varying skills and interests. There will be times that a child or a parent is going to have to sacrifice the 'fun' part  of family fun night.  I would suggest appealing to the ten year old's sense of pride as an older brother and mentor. Could he play an age-appropriate game or with toys that the younger ones would enjoy, and then be rewarded later with some special alone time with mom and/or dad?  Perhaps start the evening with a short video the little ones will enjoy, have a fun snack as a family, and one parent can put the little ones to bed while the older one gets to watch a more age- appropriate movie for him.  Puzzles are good for parallel play: tray puzzles for the toddler, 63 piece puzzles for the 3 and 10 year olds to work on together, then let the 10 year old move on to a 200+ piece puzzle with Mom and Dad.  Or a simple matching game with the 3 year old while the other parent and the older boy play Scrabble or something similar - as the little ones get older, they will get more curious and start to 'help' also.

But please, for the sake of the brotherly relationship, do NOT always expect your older one to cheerfully play with the little ones without some payoff for him, which can be extra privileges or a small treat for being a great big brother.  He is not to be your live-in child entertainer.  On the other hand, there will be times that the fun evening may be less than a total thrill for the two smaller ones, but they can learn that sometimes they come second.

Walks and outings to parks can be good in the summer as the little ones can walk, then ride in a stroller or wagon, while the older one continues to walk or perhaps rides a bike.  Tossing a ball around in the backyard or swimming also come to mind." ~ Christy

"Solution:  teams!  Mom has the one-year-old on her team.  Dad has the three-year-old.  The ten-year- old feels very mature because he doesn't even need a partner. Works for us!" ~ Rebecca

"My kids are 13, 12, and 10 but we've always had friends or family members around of different ages. The things we enjoy are going on a scavenger hunt (rocks, leaves, flowers, etc if the weather permits) or water guns. My family loves to be outside when we can and it's a great way to get the little one to start saying new words. Show him/her colorful flowers. etc." ~ Michelle

"I have no children at home but do have dogs that are very used to  and tolerant of children. I bought a game called 'My Dog Can Do That". Kids of all ages can  work with a dog to try to get it to do a trick or activity.  I have not had a visiting child yet who does not enjoy this activity.  Even  without buying the game it is easy to make up your own cards with  tricks that the kids can get the dogs to do. All the kids work and succeed at their own level and are patient while little ones try.  This needs adult supervision and often participation to ensure safety  of the dogs." ~ Erin

"When I was growing up, us five kids were separated by about 5 or 6 years each.  We had to learn to share the time.  For example, early in the evening we had to watch more child-like shows with the younger kids, then once they went to an early bedtime, we older kids got to watch older shows.  Or while the younger kids were watching their movie, us older kids would play Monopoly or a card game (in the same room where we could also socialize)..

 This is also a great opportunity for the older children to teach the younger ones.  For example, go outside and play tag or football.  The older child can teach the younger child the games' rules while also having fun. Parents can of course join also join in by teaching and playing with all of them.  (That might include Mom learning to throw a football, which could be hilarious in and of itself!)  Or how about going outside and enjoy nature?  What kid doesn't love playing in the dirt!  Find worms, frogs, fireflies, flowers, anything and have the kids analyze them, appreciate them, discuss what they know about them, again, the older teaching the younger.  Also an opportunity for parents to teach their children respect for the environment and animals.

Another idea is preparing the meal/snack and clean up. Who says Mom has to do it all?  The kids can join in. For example, the older kids can show the younger ones how to build a pizza. And everyone can help Mom clean up, delegating tasks according to age. Everyone in the kitchen at one time is one of my fondest memories...talking and joking, all the while being together getting necessary tasked done.

When I was younger, we kids were expected to respect each other, our age differences and find things we could all do together. My parents would never have allowed selfishness to get in the way of doing something together. So what if a 10 year old is bored playing a 3-year old's game with him. It's only for a short time and that's important time for those 2 children to bond, it's a time for him to be the big brother. Then after the 3 year old goes to bed, then the 10 year old can do something that is more enjoyable to him.  Family life is give and take." ~ Cindy

 

Editor's Note: Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond.

Sign up for Counting the Cost, 
a free twice-a-month email newsletter filled with ideas, insights and inspirations for living each day to the fullest. 

Email address:

Subscribe Unsubscribe

Google
 
Web     CountingtheCost.com

Home    Products and Resources     Speaking Engagements    Nancy's Itinerary  
Creative Frugality     Talk It Out     Abundant Living    Readers' Input      Advertising Information      
National Creative Frugality Week    Media Mentions and Publicity     Support This Site