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Talk It Out:
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"The parties I took my child to when she was younger, we put the gifts to one side to be opened at home later after the guests had left. We then opened each gift carefully, noted who it was from and then wrote thank you notes to the giver." ~ Ruth |
| "Take the anticipation away from the gifts by having each child's name on a separate piece of paper in a 'hat' to be drawn individually. Then, at gift opening time, seat the birthday child at a table with his/her guests seated so they can observe, draw a child's name from the 'hat,' let that child find the gift that he or she brought and take it to the birthday child. The birthday child then opens the gift, thanks the giver and gives the giver a 'Thank You' party bag. After that guest returns to the 'guest' area another child's name is drawn. Each guest gets a chance to anticipate their name being drawn, have some time in the limelight with the birthday child and receive a small gift of his/her own to focus on." ~ Sherrie | |
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"My son is 8 now, and I have
noticed two things that seem to work:
1) Many parents do not have their
child open the presents until AFTER the party. The presents are
brought to the party and then they disappear. The children go on to
play, do party games and have cake and ice cream. They never seem to
miss the present opening at all! A few weeks later we get a personal
thank you note for the gift from the child.
2) I read in a book once that if you
are having a children's party at home, only invite the number of
children that match your child's age. So, at age 5 we
invited approximately 5 children, etc. This is so much more
manageable. Opening gifts is very quick and is not mayhem!" ~
Rebecca
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"We have a policy at our house
regarding opening presents. We set up two seats: one for the
birthday girl or boy and one for the gift giver. The gift giver must
sit next to the birthday child when they are opening their gift.
This way the party kids are excited and lined up to be the next to
sit and give the gift (rather than going through all the presents!)
It helps the birthday child also - they know who gave the gift and
are able to thank them right away. If you take pictures as they
open, you can make great thank you notes with the pictures." ~
Nina
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"I have two suggestions:
This one works best for children aged 5 or
older. In the party invitation, ask the children to bring a new hardback book
wrapped which will in turn be donated to a local homeless shelter where
children reside. The birthday boy/girl can open the books at the
party, discussion begins about who has read that book before and the
parents can reinforce the giving to others and providing for those in
need lesson.
Our area has a program called REACH (Reading
Enriches All CHildren). Volunteers (who go through minimal training and
a criminal background check) read to the children at the homeless shelter
every Thursday and bring a craft related to the theme of the book. At the end
of the night, each child gets to select two books to keep. If the child is new
to the group, REACH supplies a bookbag with school supplies and several other
age appropriate books. Please note: the children of volunteers
cannot participate due to confidentiality issues. However, this is a
great way to explain your volunteerism to your child and explain how they can
help the cause.
2) I found that by noting in the invitation
that gifts would not be opened at the party, parents could prepare their child
that they would not see my child open their gift at the party. I took photos
as my daughter opened each gift and sent those pictures, as well as the ones I
had taken of their child interacting with mine at the party in the thank
you note. Most parents commented on what a great idea it was to skip the gift
opening at the party because it is so chaotic, gifts get broken, and
undoubtedly the children want to play with the birthday child's gifts at the
party. It also helps parents know not to stick around after the cake waiting
for the gifts to be opened. I always list an ending time on the invitation
which helps. And I add "no drop offs" ever since a friend was left
babysitting three attendees after the party ended and the parents hadn't shown
up." ~ L P
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"What
some of the children are doing in my area (So Calif) is choosing a charity and
asking the partygoers to bring something appropriate to donate.
Younger children can donate a used toy for a homeless shelter or foreign orphanage. Food items are always good for the food shelter. Older children can donate money for a worthy cause (cancer, juvenile diabetes etc). The 'gifts' can be opened by each child bringing them, or by the birthday child. The important thing is for the birthday child to choose the charity project and to get personal with it. They can visit the food shelter a head of time to see where it is, etc., and then they can tell about it at the party. The birthday child can make the delivery the next day, or it could be incorporated as part of the party if the charity is local and open for a small group of children to come. So the birthday child doesn't feel like he is giving 'everything' away, the parents buy a nice gift and the child can open that for himself." ~ Laura | |
| "We handle gift giving the same be it at a birthday party or Christmas. Each child sits, holding their own gift and the birthday boy or girl goes to them. The present is given, opened and shown to others right there in front of the giver. Not only does that make the giver feel special for the moment of personal attention by the guest of honor, but the birthday child gets a quiet moment to thank the giver eye-to-eye." ~ Peggy | |
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"My husband and I
attended a birthday party for a colleague's daughter a few years ago and after
the party was over and we were on our way home, we realized they forgot to open
the presents. Since then, they've had another daughter and more birthday
parties. Every time they reserve the present opening for after the guests leave.
The guest children get their party favors and can play with them while they are
eating the cake and ice cream. At first my husband and I thought this was
strange but the idea is growing | |
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"Yes, the gift giving portion of a party
is usually a frenzy. There are many solutions. We have gone to numerous
parties where the birthday child opens his/her gifts with just their
immediately family after all the children go home. This would be my
suggestion. I would not choose a giftless birthday party or one where you
give the presents to charity for a young child. I would only do this if
it was the child's idea and they were old enough to understand. I have
requested no gifts to a birthday party before and have also attended parties
where the parent stated 'no gifts, please' but just about everyone brings
gifts anyway! " ~ Karen
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"I can totally identify with this
problem. I too have been quite horrified by the frenzy attached to gift
giving at children's parties, both my own kids and others. Seeing paper torn
off, cards ripped, and gifts even damaged in the fray, and kids wanting to
play with all the stuff, so bits get lost etc.-- not to mention not knowing
who gave what so thank you letters are difficult to write. Added to
this the number of gifts received when it's a large party, things can get
out of hand. Here are ideas that have worked for us:
Explain to your child that a gift is exactly
that -- a gift and not an expectation. Parties are about enjoying our
friends' company, not getting stuff. We put all the gifts up at
our parties to be quietly opened, appreciated, and enjoyed later on,
while we get on with the party itself. Limit the number of children you
invite so the number of gifts are within reason.
Have a quiet chat with other parents; you'll
probably find they have similar concerns. A discreet chat or
'small gifts only' note on the invitation can also take a lot of pressure
off the gift giving thing. At your own parties if you want to open
gifts, wait until everyone has arrived and sit the children down quietly,
perhaps around the table, and allow your child to carefully open one gift at
a time - with your help if they are too young to do it themselves. Don't be
scared to check children who are grasping at the gifts -- it is after all
very bad manners that should be corrected. It is very difficult to control
what happens at other people's parties. The most important thing you can do
is set a good example to your own child. If you teach your child how to
receive and value gifts at a young age, they will know when they get older
how to behave both at their own and other people's parties!" ~ Dessie
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"The description of chaos at gift
opening time puzzled me as I have never come across that situation, either
in my home or at homes I've been to for birthday parties. The only
suggestion I have is that adults need to take charge and stop the behavior,
and communicate that everyone needs to sit and that the birthday child gets
to open the presents! In my opinion, it's up to the parent to be in
charge of this and organize it; it's your home and your rules! Also,
you decide whether or not the gifts get passed around for each guest to
look at and whether they get played with at the party. It's okay to
put them away after opening them and tell the children they'll have a chance
to play (and the birthday child to share) at another visit." ~ Sharon
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"I think when the gift opening gets out of
hand, it is because there are too many children for the age group. I read years
ago that the appropriate number of guests for a 2 year old's party is 2 guest, 3
year old - 3 guests, 4 year old party - 4 guests, etc. I tried to use this
guideline as much as possible and never experienced any gift-opening
frenzies." Marilyn Moll www.urbanhomemaker.com | |
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"We currently live in England and I find
it interesting that people do NOT open their presents at parties. Once all the
guests leave, then they open them in the privacy of their home with only their
family around. I think this is a wonderful idea. There is no pressure to act
like you like something you don't, and the gift giver with less money does not
have to feel bad that they did not give what everyone else did. However, they
are also expected to handwrite a thank you note to each person a gift was
received from. Yes, this is dying out, but it is really nice to know your gift
was appreciated.
Of course, since this is such a radical change
to the way most parties are, you might want to put a note on the invitation
that they will not be opened at the party.
For older children and adults, why not take
donations for a favorite charity instead? These can be sealed or dropped
in to a box anonymously. Once the money is counted, each guest should be
told the total." ~ BJ
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"I have three boys,
ages 9, 6 and 6. For the last several years, we have not opened gifts during
their parties. We collect them as the children are arriving and either set them
someplace out of the way or pack them up and take them to the car while the
party attendees are busy doing something else. Then we open them in a more
leisurely fashion at home. Thus there isn’t an issue with hurt feelings,
chaos, etc. I have never once been asked why we don’t open them – just keep
the kids busy and occupied during the whole party time with other activities. | |
| "I can't take credit for this idea, but I don't remember where I read about it. My brain gets a little overloaded sometimes! However, it sounds like a great idea and one that I plan on using at my son's 3rd birthday party this September. Instead of having a big pile of gifts that the birthday child tears through, have each party goer keep their gift with them. At present time, the child goes to each attendee and after being given the gift from their friend, they open it with the giver right there. Hopefully, the other kids will stay calm, knowing their turn with the birthday child will be coming. Also, the birthday child has a nice connection with the gift giver and the gift giver gets the fun of helping as their friend opens the present they picked just for them. As a parent, you also get to see who gave the gift, instead of trying to grab a card as the package is being ripped open. It's a nice photo opportunity and the picture of the birthday child and their friend would be a great addition to the Thank You card. Hope this helps!" ~ Tracy | |
| "You could have her open the presents not all at once but every so often during the party. Also, after they've been seen, put them up on a table or counter until the party is over & then she can get them down to play with them / put them away." ~ Rachel | |
| "It seems to be more and more common to invite huge numbers of children to birthday parties. This can easily lead to the kind of mayhem at present-opening time that the reader has noticed. A common rule of thumb is to invite the number of children your child is old. In other words, a 5- year-old would have 5 guests at the most. Limiting the party to a smaller number of children would effectively reduce the problem at gift-opening time. Older children would invite more guests, but the older children are more able to restrain themselves." ~ Katie in New Mexico | |
| "Both my niece and nephew have birthdays in the fall near Thanksgiving. One year while discussing how blessed our family has been, THEY decided that instead of getting gifts for their birthday from friends, they would GIVE gifts to those less fortunate for their birthdays. They chose the local food bank, and all the party guests brought cans of food to fill a big decorated box. In addition, the party was held in the conference room of their church before the Fall Festival, so there was very little cost involved and the kids had a great time!" ~ Candy | |
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"This is a very delicate subject with
me too. My son just turned three and I stated on the invitations 'No gifts
please.' Some people asked if they could bring something anyway, and I
kindly told them that it wasn't necessary but if they insisted, I told them
a book or a homemade card would be great. To encourage that, we always give
books as gifts. I don't think children can ever have too many books, and I
get a very nice but inexpensive gift at Half Price Books. I also
think that our society is very materialistic and I try not to encourage
that in our home. When we were talking about the party my son asked if
there were going to be lots of presents. I tried to explain to him that that
is not the main focus of a party. We want to celebrate with our friends and
family by playing games and having cake. Another thing we did was open our
gifts after our guests went home. This way it wasn't a huge distraction. If
someone left early, we opened their gift with them so that we could thank
them before they left. I hope this helps a little. It sure is a delicate
matter." ~ Sarah
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"One way to avoid the whole gift frenzy
is to reunite each guest with the gift they are giving, then sit them in a
circle of chairs. The birthday child sits in one chair with an empty
seat next to her. One by one the children bring their gift, present it
to the child, who opens it and thanks the giver. No one else gets out of
their chairs until their turn. After each child's gift is opened, that child
goes back to his seat. Since they are seated in a circle, everyone can
see." ~ Barbara
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"When our children were young, we
experienced the tears of a neighbor's child who also wanted a gift. From then
on, we had one of two options for our children's parties. The first option was a
gift exchange, particularly when the children were younger. We either set a
price range ($2-5) and/or directed the purchase (stickers, book, etc.) OR we
designated it a 'toy swap' where the guests would wrap a gently used toy off
their own toys shelves to exchange, thereby costing no money. (The toy
swap became more difficult as the children grew older and more attached to their
possessions.) At gift time, the guests each draw a number which determines
the order in which they choose from the wrapped gifts. The birthday child can
either choose first or also draw a number. When every child has chosen a gift,
they all open the gifts at once. Every child goes home with a gift, and every
home doesn't have to spend a fortune. The second option we use with our older children is the 'Blessing Principle.' God has blessed us in many ways, so we can bless others. Talk with your child about options to bless others (donate new/used books to the local library, donate clothes/toys/food to the local children and women's shelter or armed forces, etc.). These items may or may not be wrapped. They can be opened by the birthday child or by the invited guest. Our daughter's birthday is before Thanksgiving, so she likes to do the Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes; we send out a note with the invitations that explains what we are doing and why, including a list of suggested items. One year she and her friends filled 14 boxes! They were excited to see what everyone else brought and to imagine how thrilled some little girl would be to receive one of these boxes. Such things can be done even during the off-holiday season; shelters do not have such a great response during that time." ~Toni | |
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"At all of my son’s birthday parties and most of his friends parties the gifts have been opened after all the guests have left and after the party is over. This hasn’t seemed to bother anyone and we never have to stop all of the fun the kids are having to make them sit to watch all the gifts being opened." ~ Cayce | |
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"Being raised in the south, we little
girls were allowed to attend the family baby showers that occurred. When the
baby gifts were opened by the mother-to-be, each gift package was passed
around the room for everyone to see. When finished with the passing, the
gift landed back onto the gift table beside the mother. You could apply this
same principle by having children sit in a circle while the birthday girl
opens her gifts. I'm sure this will need adult supervision, but hopefully
the children will retain a certain level of calmness just by the fact they
are sitting down. This will give each child a chance to see the gift.
I definitely would not relinquish the
receipt of gifts. Children need to learn to give and graciously receive
(even if they don't like the gift). Wouldn't hurt to throw-in some examples
of how Jesus gives to us on daily basis--not just on birthdays!" ~
Wendy in NC
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Editor's Note: Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond. | |
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