...of Personal Growth and Development

CTC Readers' Poll:
What Your Parents Did Right 

 In the May 1, 2007 issue of the newsletter, Counting the Cost editor 
Nancy Twigg asked readers this question:

Think about all your parents did to teach you about handling money. What did your parents do right? What lessons were most memorable and made the greatest impact on how you handle money now? Is there anything you wish they had done differently? Was there anything about frugal living you had to learn the hard way -- something you wish your parents had taught you as a child?

Responses:

 
"When I was in 4th grade, my parents started giving me an allowance, which included enough for my school lunches.  I then had to learn to plan my money for the week.  If I wanted ice cream or something special, I had to plan for it.  I learned to save the extra for the special things that I wanted.  As I got older, my allowance was increased, but I still had to plan for the special things that I wanted.  I think this helped me to be thrifty when my husband and I were first married and money was tight. " ~ Shonna

"I think the most important thing my parents taught me about money was, that I have to work for it, work hard and be proud to earn your own way. From that I learned not to waste something I had worked for. I was given an allowance after  I had done my "jobs", age appropriate. No jobs, no money. To this day I still need to feel I have earned whatever I get." ~ J.L.R.

 

 

"I think the best lesson my mother taught me about money was that the greatest things in life have no monetary value. She always stressed the value of education and independence. She encouraged us to learn to care for ourselves when we became adults. She took the time to show us that cooking dinner for our family was more special than any restaurants we could go to, no matter how simple or elaborate the meals. Visiting local lakes, parks and a variety of beautiful outdoor areas, mostly free, are some of my most cherished memories. Spending quality time with our extended family members, many of whom have now passed away, are wonderful memories.  I can also remember going to the city, the mountains, or the beach on short trips and watching and learning from my mother how to make the most of every cent, and how to be thankful for what we had rather than wasting our lives wishing for more. Growing up, I never felt deprived in any way. I never felt that we were anything other than the richest people in the world. Now that I have my own family, I realize how hard my mother had to work to provide for three children. I don't know how she did it! But I thank God daily that she was able to raise us with the values and morals that she did. We are truly blessed to have a mother like ours!  She's my hero." ~ Mikki in Memphis, TN


"My parents taught me that I could not afford to buy anything that I could not pay for up front. They did not believe in credit cards. I do use a credit card, but I still follow the principle of my parents by deducting any charged items from my checkbook as I purchase them. By doing this I always have the money to pay my bill in full each month and so avoid interest charges. This has worked effectively for me for over twenty years. I was also taught to save first from each and every pay check, before paying bills or going shopping, and never to spend more than I had earned. Much money in this country is spent impulsively and the shopping sprees are often substitutes for something lacking in a person's life, as opposed to the need for specific items. People who consciously control spending have much less stress in life," ~ Margaret

"I'm only 30 so it wasn't that long ago that I was a kid.  I remember plenty about my folks and money:
What they did Right:  
1.  We didn't an allowance, even for chores - you don't get paid to do your part to help out the family. 
2.  They didn't buy treats in every store we went to - money goes for the important things first. 
3.  They showed us that sometimes you have to forgo the latest trends or fancy vacations (my folks went without these things but were able to put us all through Christian schools which was important to them)
4.  My mom took one kid grocery shopping with her each week.  In doing so we learned to comparison shop, budget, etc.  And we also saw the prices of everything and understood why mom didn't buy soda and chips and other nonsense - it cost too much!
5.  There is no shame in shopping at Goodwill, buying reduced groceries, or driving a used car.  No one can tell and you save a ton.
What they did Wrong:
Now my six siblings and I are all adults we all manage money differently.  Some of us are frugal and responsible.  Others have made bad choices.  My mom is constantly giving money to help the kids that continue to get in trouble.  If you give your adult kids money - give the same amount to each, regardless of how responsible they are or whether they even ask.  No matter how old you are, money is seen as a reward.  If you give money only to the kids that need 'help,' it reinforces their poor choices and punishes the kids that are responsible." ~ Jill

"My dad made a big deal about opening a savings account for me when I was about 7, and carefully depositing all the money I received for gifts, etc. He took me to the bank with him after that, every so often, and let me deposit it myself. I was very proud to be 'saving for college' at such a young age. It was not hard later when I got a job to deposit nearly everything, too. He stressed how important it was to save, since they had a lot of children and didn't know how much they would be able to contribute (I was the oldest of five). He later made a big deal about opening a checking account with me in high school and showing me how to balance my account.

 
I was able to pay for a school trip to Washington, D.C. in middle school by myself (I had to if I wanted to go) and a special summer college program in high school (for college credit), plus half of my freshman year. My parents split that year with me, then I worked and got scholarships to put myself through for the rest of college (with some wedding money thrown in my junior year). All in all, it was so much more valuable to me because I was paying for it -- both the responsibility to work, and the responsibility to do well in class. Later, looking around at all my friends who (still!) have college loans, I am even more grateful!
 
I later found out my dad did not follow his own advice very well, but I never knew that. I'm just so thankful he taught me well. (He didn't teach my younger siblings the same things, so I am even more grateful -- I see them struggling far more than I do today as adults).

My mom taught me a general attitude of what I would now call 'intermediate frugality,' for which I am also grateful. I am thankful for all the housework I did growing up, for the skills I learned, the discipline, and the frugality of doing it yourself. Both she and my dad modeled a lot of 'doing in yourself,' for which I am also grateful. Both parents also modeled and taught a very important, and much neglected, frugal skill -- researching. Whatever we were interested in, we were encouraged to pursue through experience as well as research and talking to others. For example, when I was interested in architecture in middle school, my dad got me a year's subscription to an architecture magazine, took me to see architectural landmarks, and even introduced me to an architect friend of his and encouraged me to ask questions about how to become an architect (when I got too shy, he took over the questions for me!). I have used those research skills so much as an adult! It has prevented me from wasting a lot of money and time in so many areas -- both in directly researching frugality, and in other areas (which impact frugality). I am also grateful for the attitude they modeled along with those skills -- an excitement about learning and a 'can-do' attitude about picking up skills that were previously unknown.

Two frugal skills I wish I had learned were cooking and sewing (my mom taught me the basics of the latter, for which I am grateful, but her immense skill in sewing was not passed on). I have remedied the former, but I still wish for the latter. With five children under 9, though, I think I will wait for another season of my life to pick up those skills!" ~ Anonymous


"There were six siblings, so we never got everything we wanted, but we did get everything we needed.  I believe, because of this, I appreciate everything I had (have) more.  My glass is always 'half full' thanks to my parents!" ~ Stephanie


"My parents' mantra was 'Never live above your means.'  They said it over and over and we kids saw them live within their means.  It worked for me, although not for all of my siblings." ~ Alene

"With six kids in the family, my parents had to be inventive with their money since there wasn't a whole lot of it with just my dad out in the work force. I remember my parents always paid their bills and food first. It was always the same rule for them. Whatever was left over went to the next great need and so on. We all got an allowance based on how much work we did in the week. At one point I remember my mom making a chart and giving a dime for each chore done. I don't think any of us got more than $1 a week. What did we know? We thought we were rich.

My husband and I still pay our bills and food first and whatever is left over is ours to buy or save with. We have fallen off this pattern a few times and it only landed us in trouble because then we had to struggle to catch up on our bills. It is much smoother going if we calculate our bills for the month and split them for each pay check. My mother told me that one fourth of each pay should go for the rent and so forth." ~ Margot


"While my parents grew up during the depression they really did not teach us about money and how/what to save.  My dad was in the 3C camp and Army and sent all his money home to his parents.  When he returned they did not give him any of the money.  He became very belligerent and never trusted anyone again.  He never trusted our mother.  When she went to the store for a 22 cent loaf of bread he wanted the receipt and the change.  We have been able to overcome this by teaching our children how important it is to have a budget first setting aside money for our Lord.  We stressed to them that as long as they owed someone the money they had really wasn't their own.  It was important for them to  save some and have some just for their own spending money.  They express often how glad they are that we taught them to work for what they earned (do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay), put money aside for the church, pay their bills on time, save some, and use some for pleasure." ~ Barbara

Editor's Note: Thanks to all these readers who took time to write!

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