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...of Good Family Relationships
CTC Readers' Poll:
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"This is actually
pretty easy for me: all my in-laws have a big family Christmas party
with Santa and caroling the week before so we have Christmas with
them then. Then on Christmas day my 2 girls stay right at home and
my side of the family comes to me for the day and I cook a big big
diner. My sister has no children at home so she comes too. For
all of our friends, we do the 'drop in and visit' thing before and
after. Some times seems like gift giving goes on for days." ~
Debbie
"We live 2 hours from his
parents and 2 hours from my mom. Ever since we
were married, if we spend Thanksgiving with his parents, we spend Christmas with my mom and then we switch it around the next year. We tailor our visits to the desires of the parents. His parents prefer that we don't spend more than one night. My mom wants us to stay for two. Also, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are spent at our own home (Christmas visits take place AFTER Christmas). Our children deserve to spend Christmas Eve in their own beds and have Santa Claus visit their own homes. Since my mom is alone, we invite her to come to our house (or one of my siblings) for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day." ~ Susie
"Regarding where to spend the holidays, I had to deal with some argumentative relatives on my side of the family. We spend the holidays with my husband's family (we get along well); then I bring my mother to stay with me between holidays. That way she is able to enjoy the holidays with her other children yet we still get to see her. It's not ideal, but it takes the stress out of what should be a joyous time of year." ~ Diana "We take
turns going to the in-laws (his and mine). Thanksgiving (big
meal) is at my parent’s house this year. We can go to his in
the evening for a snack. Christmas day is at his parent’s house this
year. We can spend Christmas Eve with my parents, open Christmas
presents and have Christmas breakfast at our house and then go to his
parent’s. We will swap next year." ~ Julie
"Holidays were difficult
for my husband and me for several years. We were never sure
how to divide the time. To make things even more complicated,
my parents are divorced and both have remarried. This makes three
families to deal with. Additionally, we have to spend the
night whenever we visit the families because they are not close
enough to drive and come home the same day. Needless to say, it gets
VERY complicated. But for us we have made one decision for ourselves
and our children. We will be at home Christmas Eve and have a family
Christmas on Christmas morning. After that we take turns. We rotate
when which family has a gathering on the holiday. For example, this
year Thanksgiving will be with my father, and Christmas with my
husband's family. Next year, my mother will get Thanksgiving and my
father Christmas Day, and we will celebrate with my husband's family
when our schedule allows. It does make for lots of planning, but it
is worth it so our kids can celebrate with all of their family.
Additionally, don't forget about New Years Eve and Day. Every New Year's Day I get together with my father's family for a special meal of homemade tamales and pasole. We look forward to it each year. It is one day that is usually overlooked for family time." ~ Stephanie in New Johnsonville, TN "I thought in the beginning that it was such a blessing to have both my husband's parents and my parents live 15 minutes away from each other. Especially, since they are a 3 hour drive away from us, we could make the drive and see both sides at the same time. Eating two Thanksgiving meals and Christmas meals in one day was somewhat uncomfortable, but nothing we couldn't manage. That is until we had children. Somewhere along the line we decided that we would only switch houses once during each trip. Usually, we stay at one side until the holiday, then pack up and spend the rest of the time at the other family. We are also fortunate that my in-laws have graciously decided to delay their Thanksgiving meal until the following day, so we don't have to hurry. I find that we can enjoy both families better this way. Christmas is still split, which makes it hard. Plus, my kids are teenagers now, so we cut our visit down to a few days over Christmas, so they can still see their friends and relax, too. The most important thing is to be very clear with both families when they can expect us to be with them, that way expectations are set and met." ~ Carol "My husband's family always gets together the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We spend Thanksgiving day with my family, and we don't feel like we shortchange anyone." ~ Jeanette "How will I spend Thanksgiving? Due to distance and the potential of bad weather at the holiday time, our families will gather at a central home several weeks before Thanksgiving for our get-together. Then, on Thanksgiving Day, my two sons who live nearby and I will be getting up early to go to the Salvation Army Community Dinner where we will be packing dinners for shut-ins and then serving folks who gather for the afternoon." ~ Lois
"Our family is
spread at the opposite ends of Texas. We usually spend
Thanksgiving with my in-laws in South Texas. My parents
and siblings live in Bryan/College Station, and since my
stepdad's mother lives here in town, my side of the family
comes to Houston for Christmas. The cousins all take
part in the Christmas pageant at my parish so it is a great
tradition. We've tried changing things around before but
this arrangement always seems best for our families."
~ Tammy
"We made a clearly defined plan early in our marriage when the kids were small, and communicated it lovingly but firmly to both families: 1) We alternate families at Thanksgiving. 2) Christmas Day we spend at home, and always try to invite someone who has no one to spend Christmas with--a family whose families are far away, an elderly person with few living relatives, etc. We spend Christmas Eve with my husband's family and December 27th with my family. My brother and sister were grateful to have this plan already in place when they got married as it cuts down on the discord with their in-laws. We found the 27th works better than the 26th, because it gives everyone some down-time after the pressure of Christmas Day." ~ Suzanne "We spend Thanksgiving as a family at our house every year. That includes myself and my husband and our three children. My folks are deceased, so that just leaves my in-laws to visit. We head to their house after dinner and the turkey is cleaned up for our dessert of pies and play some games. I guess this reminds me of a small *progressive* meal. Having the time after dinner to digest our food helps, too, before it's time to eat again!" ~ Carol "For the holidays, my husband and I do what my parents have done for years. We alternate between the families on Easter and Thanksgiving. That means on even years we are with my family and on the odd years we are with his family. For Christmas we usually end up celebrating on different days, so that isn't usually a problem. It makes it very nice to know where you are going. Everyone knows this schedule in advance and no feelings are hurt. Plus we get to spend a whole day with the family and not drag tired kids around from house to house." ~ Lura "Back when my daughter was little, we would go to my parents house on Christmas Day where my brother and his wife would join us for the day. As my family grew to 3 kids, we decided it was easier if we started having Christmas at our house, because loading all the presents and the kids in the car to come home was becoming rather hard! So now, 18 years later, we still have Christmas at our house, and my parents, brother, sister in law and now my niece all join us. On Christmas Eve, my family goes to my mother-in-law's house where my husband's siblings all get together, all 8 of them plus their families! It is definitely a full house on that night! We all exchange gifts, have a TON to eat, sing carols, and get the kids home in time for them to go to bed before Santa comes.
Celebrating this way has
always worked out great for my family, and I hope the
tradition will continue for a long, long time." ~
Leanne
"I generally try to go to the person who needs us the most. At the moment we have a relative who lost her husband so we would spent Christmas with her if no family was coming." ~ Jerry "We live away from both sides of the family and we alternate holidays. One year with my side at Thanksgiving (we exchange Christmas gifts at this time) and Christmas with my husband’s side. The next year, it is Thanksgiving with my husband’s side (they decided only kids get gifts at this time) and Christmas with my side. My husband’s mother balked a little at first, but now we all know this is how it works." ~ Anne
Editor's Note: Thanks to all these readers who took time to write! |