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CTC Readers' Poll:
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"This is a big one for
me. I went into a deep depression that devoured our
lives for about 7 years. Can you imagine -- 7 years
lost?! My youngest son was 7 at the time so I missed
many wonderful years that I will never get back. It
was so bad that I was institutionalized several times
for attempted suicide. My husband had prayed that
when, not if, I finally did succeed in bringing my
life to an end that the Lord would give him the
strength and wisdom to explain it to our three sons.
Well, one day I 'woke up'. I don't know how else to
explain it. I was in church; I think we were singing
at the time. All of a sudden I got this big smile on
my face and I felt like literally a ton was lifted off
my back. I had to go through this journey in my life
to get to where I am now. I feel very guilty sometimes
about it when I think of seeing my sons waving goodbye
to me as I was wheeled back to the mental ward many
times. It seemed every time one of my sons would do
something wrong I would refer to what I had put my
family through and would apologize. My oldest son, now
22, said to me sternly, 'Mom, you couldn't help that
and it didn't hurt us. If anything it made us all
stronger and we love you. You have got to quit blaming
yourself for that.' Well, what could I say after that?
I have finally come to terms with what happened and
actually thanked God for it. Now I have found what
keeps me happy is to help others. I only have one son
left living at home and he will be graduating from
high school this year. Currently, I have a home
business that is thriving and if I can't help them
through my business I always find someone who can help
them. I transcribe the sermons our Pastor preaches
into booklets and I do lots of caregiving for the
elderly in my community. I am not bragging about what
I do. I just want everyone to know that to help
yourself, you have to help others. Wallowing in sorrow
does not accomplish anything." ~ Brenda
"Here are three guilt banishers:
1. 'I made the best decision
I could with the information I had available to me at
the time.' You made the decision or choice based
on the information you had, not based on the
information that became available after the
fact.
2. 'Opportunity Cost'
-- the economics term that means if you choose to do
Task A, you cannot do Task B or Task C or Task D at
the same time. No use feeling guilty that you
didn't do B, C or D as you were busy doing A.
3. If you don't take time
for yourself to regroup or rejuvenate you will be of
no use to anyone, so that time is not wasted.
Time taken for yourself energizes and revitalizes you
so you can help those around you later." ~ Alene
"Here is
what works for me. If someone accuses me of something
and I receive it as true, OR, if I feel guilty about
something I've said or done, or NOT said or done, I go
and ask Jesus. He always shows me how
much is true, and what is not mine to carry.
He knows my heart motives. In most
accusations, whether self-imposed or from an external
source, there is usually a little grain of truth.
If we run to the Lord, he can show us which part we
need to own and repent for, which part is a bunch of
hooey. We receive forgiveness, and he lightens
the load!" ~ Sharon
"I have not read
it yet, but Julie Barnhill recently released a book called
Motherhood: the Guilt that Keeps on Giving. You
might check that out. (I'm too cheap--waiting for it to
get to the library or get cheaper at Half.com!)" ~
Jennifer
"For myself, I found that often my guilt over
something would arise long after the event when I
was no longer able to do anything about it. I realized
over time that this was because I had grown-- in
character or in my perception of things or my
personality had matured. After this personal growth,
when I would reflect back on certain situations, I
would feel remorse or guilt. What changed all this for
me was the realization that, when the event took
place, I was doing the best I could with what
I had to work with. This wonderful
insight is now ingrained in me and when I do reflect
on my less-than-admirable moments in life, I ALWAYS
remember this. I may still have regret but I do not
have guilt. And the bonus in this thinking is that I
feel great peace in knowing that I will not have these
sorts of moments again because I have grown past them."
~ Gloria
"I struggle to keep from dwelling on my shortcomings. One of the ways I pull myself up by the bootstraps is to list out some of the things I have succeeded at in that area of life. One of my biggest areas is housekeeping. So when I start to work myself up about how many piles of paper are around or the dust or whatever, I look around and note to myself that the dishes have been washed and put away every day for a week or the laundry was folded right away. Then I remind myself that I have improved in this over the last five years. It doesn't stop me, but it does keep me from wallowing and helps me to continue to try to move forward." ~ Melissa, MD
Editor's Note: Thanks to all these readers who took time to write! |
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