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CTC Readers' Poll:
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"I have a soon to be three
year old son. We do not spank him. For one thing, it is
important to choose a consistent form of discipline, and as much
as toddlers act up, I'd be spanking him all day long. I also
cannot see the logic of teaching him not to hit his peers
because it hurts and then hitting him myself. The few times I
did do it before making a firm decision not to, he looked at me
in total shock and said, 'Mommy, hands are not for hitting.' My
husband and I were both raised by loving parents who believed in
spanking. We both agree that we didn't learn much from those
experiences except fear of getting punished versus a true desire
to change behavior. The few times when it was done in anger
stands out very strongly in our memories. We all know how angry
our children can make us; do we want to risk losing control? For
me personally, being struck by the very people I adored and
trusted made me feel a strong sense of confusion and
betrayal. No matter how they explained their reasons and
everything else, I couldn't get past the fact they were willing
to cause me pain. I didn't care what the reasons were; they were
never good enough to me. Perhaps spanking works well for some
children, but for strong willed and deeply passionate/ sensitive
children like myself and now my son, it can backfire. My son
responds so much more to rewards, time outs, and explanations
than spanking." ~ Dawn-Marie
"I have three children,
30, 28 and 16 and I have spanked all of them at some point. I
used spanking to really stress a point, like going past the
sidewalk into the street. I did not beat my children or leave
marks, mostly it was a swat, but it did grab their attention.
I do feel that the most effective form of discipline is to
have and enforce reasonable rules, remembering that the same
thing is wrong today that was wrong yesterday and will be
wrong again next year. If my 16 year old comes home late, I
just say, 'You're late.' He then says, 'I know. I made the
decision to be in the rest of the day. Do you want me to go to
my room now?' There is no fight, no yelling. Making your
children realize that life is a series of decisions and making
them accept responsibilities for their decisions allows them
to grow into responsible adults that you will be very proud
of." ~ Genia in Illinois
"I find that restricting the use of things that they really enjoy such as computer time or TV time is more effective. Spanking a child quite often just teaches the child that you can solve problems using physical force. This is not usually the case." ~ Tina
"I am not sure that there is a
specific label for our form in disciplining our children. Having
said that, I have come to the realization that we as parent must be
disciplined in our approach to correcting what we deem as wrong
behavior and poor character development in our children. Let me
explain. We must spend the time to follow through on our correction.
I hear far too many parents shout idle threats; i.e. 'I will
never take you to the store again' or 'You will not be
allowed to watch TV for a year,' or one of my personal
favorites, 'You are grounded for the rest of your life.' Not
only are these punishments, in most cases, unrealistically
unattainable, they damage our credibility as a parent, because we
simply are unable to follow through on this impulsive chastisement
and our children sense this.
Here is our approach. I have found that not only do I need to have the punishment fit the 'crime'; it must also reflect where my child is emotionally and developmentally. I first need to consider the child's age. Then, what do they value (time with friends, a computer game or a particular toy) and how did that infraction affect others. For instance, (not that this ever happens in my home) say my 12 year old was rude to his five year old sister. He had pushed or screamed at her unjustifiably. Instead of an immediate correction (YELLING), he might be assigned to spend an afternoon, that otherwise might have been spent playing outside with friends, reading stories to the offended five year old. Now, here is where my responsibility lies. I need to be sure that the punishment is carried out to completion and not begrudgingly. Disciplining our children requires parents to not falter, grow weary, or surrender the high road. It is through appropriate and often-times creative correction that our children gain the valuable qualities of a caring heart, character and self-control. It is not always easy, but if we are consistent, both the child and parent will benefit in the run long." ~ Alison "While my husband and I do not have our child in the real world yet, (I am 8 months pregnant), one of the books that we agree with the most in philosophy is 'Shepherding a Child's Heart.' This book covers spanking, communication, and training, all at different stages of a child's life. As strong Christians, we really want to have a Biblical way of raising our child. This book has the Christian and Biblical perspective oozing out of it. We love it. Also, another website that I have found is www.doorposts.com . There is an if-then chart that is available for only five dollars. It has Scripture verses on each area of discipline. There is also a chart that balances it for ways to reward your children. We're looking forward to this great adventure of having children. After having done a lot of research. These two things are the one's that I feel the most comfortable with Biblically." ~ Anonymous "I do believe in spanking, but I thought I'd mention that child training has so much more to do with it than simply discipline. This verse is referring to myriad of things. I would encourage parents to do memory verses with their children and then refer to them often as they instruct them throughout each day. I have a few resources that help you parent with scripture and its great to be able to instill God's Word -- and desires -- in our kids. If you give them a heart for others and for Christ and teach them what's right, then disciplining for wrong makes sense even to them! Just my thoughts!" ~ Kathy in VA
"We have 2 kids one boy
who is 8.5 and one girl who is 6.5. We ( my husband and
I) believe in spanking. We started when our kids were very
small about 18 months and continue until they realized
that if they did something wrong, they would get paddled. The
last time I paddled my son was about 3.5 years ago. My daughter
was a little headstrong and
and she pushed the envelope
until she was about 5. My kids are well behaved and
very respectful and we can take them anywhere--to the
most fanciest restaurants,
to church, to the store. They know what is expected of
them, and we are never disappointed.
Now don't think that my kids don't get in to trouble. They do
but they know when we say stop, they need to stop. My kids are
straight-A students with lots of friends and most of the time
the friends come to our house to hang out and play. There parents
are amazed that we have no problem with their kids when they
can't handle them. (These are the friends that don't believe
in paddling.) Their kids know the rules and they also obey
without any problem. I will just send them home if they don't
listen, and they know that. It is interesting
that my kids don't want to go to their friends' houses because
they don't like all the yelling and misbehaving
that comes along with unruly
kids.
I think that discipline
is not just for the kids. We as parents have to show discipline
to our spouses. My kids know that their father is the head of
the house. When I have a problem I go to him and what he says,
I do. This did not come overnight and I still need to fall on
my knees before God at time (we have been married 14
years) but my kids see that I need to obey my husband.
The kids also see their father on his knees before God and
that Daddy obeys what God says. We have gotten
into many heated arguments about discipline
and even have lost some friends over it. But I think our kids
are turning out just fine and with God's help will grow into
well rounded adults that show God love and respect to everyone
else." ~ Anonymous
"I believe that God made a paddle (your open hand) and He made a place to put it (a child's behind). Spanking works for some children while grounding works best for others. That being said, I believe the most effective form of discipline is carrying through with the consequences for misbehaving, be it spanking or grounding. If you tell your child that he will have no television for 2 days as a result of not cleaning his room, then you MUST carry through with it. Even if it means that no one else in the house gets to watch television for 2 days. Many parents will make a threat of punishment then not carry through with it because it spills over into what they want or are used to doing. One friend grounded her child from leaving the home (barring school and church) for 2 weeks. Then after a movie was released that the parents wanted to see, the grounding was lifted 10 days early. This is not upholding the unspoken promise that you made to God when you decided to have and rear children -- that you would raise them in the way that they should go. Children must learn the consequences of misbehaving. It's better they learn at it home than in the legal system or at the wrong end of a gang beating. Discipline is the Father's way of correcting us to make us better people. And our job as parents is to do the same for our children." ~ Karen "I
had great success with first
preventing
reasons to discipline and then connecting poor
behavior to a consequence. "We use the 'Naughty Spot' for the younger one and also taking away items they use everyday, like the telephone and television." ~ Trish
"I have
been married for 24 years and God deemed it best (I believe
this, but I had to learn and accept this over a long time
period) not to give us children. However, I can share that
my parents always presented God's love to me as a reason for
their responsibility to discipline me and my older brother.
They tried to stop or mitigate our wrong behavior. Then (or
later), they would read us the Bible Scripture which
correlated to the reason they disciplined us. We ALWAYS
knew (and know) that LOVE (as described in the New
Testament book of First John and other biblical passages)
was to be the motive for their disciplining us, and love
was/is to be the motive for us to obey." ~ Jane
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