...of Good Decision-Making

CTC Readers' Poll:
Advice that Isn't Worth a Dime 

 In the August 1, 2006 issue of the newsletter, Editor Nancy Twigg asked 
Counting the Cost readers these questions:

"What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received? 
And how did you learn that this advice was not worth sharing?"

Responses:

"The worst advice given to my husband and I was to take out a home equity loan to consolidate our bills. Now that our family is growing, we can't sell our house and come out on top because we added medical debt against our house!" ~ Jen, Indiana


"That Jesus was only a man, even though he was a great man. The Holy Spirit taught me different.  Hallelujah!" ~ Barb


"My mother always told me to stock up on clothing right before the new school year because that's when the best sales happened.  Problem is, I never have enough money at one time to buy a whole year's wardrobe.  And as an adult I've learned that all those years Mom was buying our wardrobes at the beginning of school, she was putting it on credit cards. Not frugal! When I was 19, I moved in with my aunt for several months and she taught me to buy one clothing item per month until I had a complete wardrobe, then fill in as needed. I've also learned to shop at thrift stores and consignment stores to stretch the clothing dollars further. My daughters are teenagers and it makes me feel great to see them buy their own clothes a little at a time all through the year, from clearance racks or second-hand sources.  They've learned that lesson well." ~ Penny     


"The worst advice I've been given includes words like, 'always' and 'never.' Advice like, 'Never buy convenience foods,' or 'Always pay more than the minimum on your installment bills,' have not served me well. These words of advice don't take into account individual circumstances or changes in life. Now that my husband and I are empty nesters, I can't always use-up the bulk items I used to buy -- and our freezer is loaded. At this stage of our lives, I find that convenience type foods, bought on sale using coupons, can be an economical choice. When it comes to installment bills, I have found that if I pay the minimum, it leaves me with a little more cash for the things I need and want. If I try to pay so much on the bill that I leave myself with nothing, I am forced to charge necessities, thus undoing any advantage I had. As long as you aren't using the card, it will eventually get paid off." ~  Melissa, Wisconsin


"My dad starts all his advice sentences with, 'If I were you,' which in translation means, 'This is the only way to do it.' I immediately tune out what he has to say since he is a perfectionist and a very controlling person. I use this as 'learning' experience with my kids and now say, 'This has worked for me,' or 'You could try this,' so they will know that they have options and not a domineering control freak for a mom." ~ Lyn, MN

"I think the worst possible advise I've ever received is, 'Marriage is a 50-50 deal.'  As most married folks know, it takes a lot more than 50% from each partner to make it work and those heading into a relationship with that idea in mind will soon fail." ~ Heather


 
"'Go with what your heart feels,' sounds pretty and uplifting, but just leads to actions based solely on emotions. I know my emotions are often way diverted from reality, so basing my words and actions on them is a bad idea. Unfortunately many people (especially women) think that 'what the heart feels' must be a good thing. I've gotten lots of marriage advice, too, some of it good and some of it bad, but the worst advice in that end has been that 'Your husband just isn't capable of _____________ (fill in the blank) so you're going to have to do it for him.' WRONG! When I actually took that advice seriously, I ended up treating my very capable husband like a 2-year-old. Not a good thing for marriage. When I decided to respect my husband's ability to handle things his way (not mine) and let him do so, I got rid of a lot of stress and also discovered that his way is often much better than mine!" ~ Annie

 
"I was dating a man who my partying friends did not like because they felt he was too set in his ways, macho, redneck, and completely different from me. I saw a different picture. He was mature, strong (not washy-washy), country gentleman, and interesting.  I got rid of the immature partying friends as I grew up and kept the boyfriend, who is now my husband.  Fourteen years later, I can't even recall those friends' names but I thank God every day that Mike is my husband." ~ June
 

"My husband and I got married in college so everyone was concerned I would get pregnant right away. Well, I didn't and I graduated but everyone said I couldn't waste my education so I worked for awhile. Then we were moving around until my husband found his niche in the work place so we were told not to have children. Then we finally settled down but we didn't own our own home yet so everybody knows you have to own a house to raise children in. Finally, after six years of marriage we realized if we waited until we had everything worldly wisdom told us we needed to have children, we would never have one. So now, 16 years and 8 children later, I am 43 and my only regret is that we didn't start earlier so we could have had time to have more. God says children are a gift from Him and whatever other blessing or gift would we put off accepting/" ~ Kathy, mom to eight blessings


"After being a stay-at-home mom for over 25 years, I had the time and inspiration to re-enter the work force. Having NO computer skills, I took one class at the community college to acquire some. While working on my resume with the updated skills and the old work experience, I asked my sister who is an office manager to look it over. She told me that if she saw that resume she would never hire that person. Feeling badly, but undaunted, I continued to apply for jobs and at age 55 finally found one that has worked out wonderfully for the past three years." ~ Anonymous


"Some so-called 'money-saving' cookbooks offer recipes that include so many commercially prepared foods that the original idea (of making 1 lb of ground beef serve 8 people for example) of actually saving money is lost.
 
One such recipe that comes to mind calls for 3 different kinds of canned soups, corn flakes, bacon bits, and 3 eggs. I can make the same casserole with chopped onion, celery, minced carrots, minced garlic, bread crumbs (homemade from stale bread), water, dry skim milk, a couple tablespoons of flour, and 2 eggs, adding the salt and pepper on my own. 
 
Another calls for Hamburger Helper, which usually costs more than the ground beef, and besides, all of the ingredients for this are already in my cupboard!
 
In addition to not really saving any money, many of these recipes are stretched so far that most of the desired food value gets lost in the process.  The starches and fats included in the prepared foods outweigh the good stuff." ~ Hazel
 

"Two items popped up immediately! First, when I was getting married, an older great-aunt told me, 'If he says the moon is purple, agree with him." I found this advice badly outdated and was sure my husband-to-be did not want a wife with no opinions of her own! Also, I think it takes two to see reason in daily married life. Second, a friend who had children before I did actually said, 'Sometimes you just have to pinch them to make them listen.' I still am horrified at this advice. I wouldn't pinch an adult who was not listening to me--why in the world would I pinch a child who may need more guidance? I have never pinched my children (nor hit nor spanked them) and in general they have listened quite well to me!" ~ BethAnne



"When I was pregnant with Alice, I was 35. My doctor, a personal friend of ours, was extremely worried by my relatively late pregnancy. 

'What's wrong?' I asked. 
'Do you realize that there's a 2% chance something will go wrong in the pregnancy?'
 'Oh, good!' I said laughing.
 'Why is that good?' he asked, confused.
 'Well,' I replied, 'If there's a 2% chance of something going wrong, that means that there's a 98% chance of nothing going wrong!'
 'Oh,' he said, delighted, 'I hadn't thought of it like that.'
 
Guess what? Nothing went wrong." ~ Leonie

"1.  'Get a credit card as soon as you can...it will help you later.'
 
2. The business officer at my first 'real' job at an organization large enough to match our investments up to 7% told me not to bother investing at all. 'You won't work here long enough to make it worthwhile,' she told me. Six years later, I finally signed up to invest and worked there another year and a half." ~ Bethanne 

Editor's Note: Thanks to all these readers who took time to write!

 

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